Well, here we go, I am taking a new outlook on things. Don't get too serious, be safe, enjoy yourself, and be honest from the beginning about your world. The ones who really matter will stick by ya. The ones that don't, well they can get bent. I have always said I am a multifaceted person. Many sides, moods, tastes, and whims. When I was married I lived those sides in an online environment, Second life. (http://secondlife.com/) BDSM, lovers, friends, flirting. Now I am Single, and I am living it in reality. I cannot tell you what it is like. How awesome it is to test my theories in a real place.
//Thank you ToyBoy for this lesson. And aid in a personal growth of sorts. You taught me that just because a person does not like the "Truth" being given them, or because they do not see the "truth" the same from their angle or in their lives does not make it any less than truth. Something someone in YOUR life needs to learn. Just cuz 'they" don't like the truth you feed them Does not make it not truth. I love you for the insight you have given me in all of this. You have helped me to establish and get a foot hold on what it is I wanted in life all along. Live, Laugh, Love. Surrounding yourself only with those who hold the same regard for those things. Thank you for being so perfectly you.///
I've realized the dynamic is much different from that of Second Life* The people who tend to be in places like that are lonely, less than social in their real lives for whatever reason. So when they attach, they cannot handle any stray from the "norm" IE: I have always believed that love is something you cannot hold down, put in a box, define, or set laws to. Love happens without us trying. It happens with no real effort. The falling that is. Its the upkeep, the daily affirmations needed to keep love alive. The work, that gets people. Why? Because they do exactly what they should not do. Tie it up in chains rules and expectations.
I have always loved broadly. Without question or expectation. After the Divorce, I am slowly realizing I need to just live love. Experience all kinds, flavors, ways, and meanings of it. That is what I am doing.
Last night was one of the cooler nights I have had in a long time... It's raised some questions but answered a lot of them too. Had a evening out with my ItalianStallion, This guy just curls my toes with a look. What's funny, is when I tell him hes hot, he almost gets a bit embarrassed. And I asked him last night. "You don't believe me do you? When I say yer Spartacus hot?" I swear his ears turned a lil red when he shook his head and said "no"
All he told me is he was gonna pick me up and take me for a ride. Ok! Np I Dressed cute n casual with a lightly slutty feel. Meh have to work the feminine as much as possible. Like I said I have many sides. The Slut, that's one of em. And Daddy, (My ItalianStallion) He pokes at the slut very perfectly. There are a lot of questions with this guy. My "assumptions" so far. I think he might be married or at least attached. Which is fine. I am not looking to be swept off my feet and hauled off to the chapel again. Been there, done that, got the T Shirt BURNT the T Shirt.
I am looking to fire up my world and with any luck the world of people around me. He picked me up and drove me clear to Miami. We ate at a Cuban Restaurant and talked. He told me some about his family, father, mother and brother. I did the same. Then something I have never done in my life... A Cheep pay by the hour motel. As he pulled in I Laughed. Bah its a bed, a bathroom and I wont have to clean up the mess after. *lol*
I knew he would be able to deliver what I wanted sexually. And he did Priority Mail! We paid for the room and headed up. When we opened the door there was a disco light in there. I almost laughed myself silly. I also went to look for a bible in the end tables.. (A place like this i dunno why i expected to find one) I have to say it was the first motel i ever been in WITHOUT a bible in the nightstand. Which in my opinion is sad. I wanted him to spank me with it ;( I flopped down on the bed and was literally startled by my own reflection coming down from the ceiling.
"Really? A Mirror on the ceiling Daddy?" He grinned this cheeky and devious lil grin and said "why not, yer gonna love seeing me fuck you from 3 different angles." Yeah, he was right.
First round was a whole lot of making me squirt. Which he had no problem doing. An experienced man can do this even if he does not know a woman well. Its not rocket science.. It really isn't boys. ya just gotta take yer time and NOT BE TOO GENTILE.. Then a breather. I came 3 good times first round and laid there looking at the ceiling and my mostly naked body Never have been to keen bout taking my shirt off. My legs and arms I have no problem with, However, even Though my belly has shrunk. It is still a insecurity for me. Tho I do like to wear a shirt that lets the girls free easily. I looked in that mirror for the first time, saw myself. My face pink and sweaty, hair askew and a smile on my face. Enter into the view my ItalianStallion who pulled me close as I painted and squirmed next to him. It was a good view. And I used the mirror the rest of our time there. Seeing his frame behind me, on top of me. Hearing those manly sounds as he filled me in every way possible.
As he was fucking me from behind my phone rang. The Grease Sound Track
"I got Chills, their multiplying, and I'm loosing control."
He stopped and very sarcastically. "Who is that, is that yer English fellow??" I had been very honest with everyone I date. They all know from day 1. I am dating. They also know about my ToyBoy.
"I will never turn him away, I will never let him go because your ego cannot handle a woman with such a close male friend and companion"
"Cuz the power, your supplying, it's Electrifying!"
Ahh Jesus yes it is.. My body trembled.
"Maybe you should see what he wants?" HE said purposely thrusting into me. Making me grip the bedspread under me.
"You better wake up, cuz I need a man, and my heart is set on you"
Well he "dismounted" and I went to my phone. He don't know it, (tho he will if he reads this blog.) I let them all know I am blogging in this manner. If they want to read it I warn them. If ya can't handle you from my view Id suggest not reading it) I didn't admit to him at that moment that it made me just a lil bit wetter to know that there was another man thinking of me at the time i was getting used proper by him. As my ToyBoy would say.
"We're Rascals aren't we?"
Yes, yes we are.
He held his cum, Fucking me, he told me before this he likes to makes sure every hole is filled before he lets himself cum. I had no idea how serious he is. The final round, something I loved but feared with someone of his.. Size. So when he began to open my ass up I tried to skitter away. This is where the Dominant came out and stroked the baby girl. He held me in place. "No, don't pull away, trust me i wont hurt you" He stroked my lower back and eased his way in. Once the initial pain subsided, I was in heaven. Perfectly fat cock penetrating my ass. It wasn't long before I felt the 6th and final climax peek. I was in my head. Whimpering his name. Not much coherent.
"That's a girl, you want me to cum?"
"Yes Sir"
"Then you have to"
He felt my climax come and he fucked me perfectly hard. I came again Stars in my eyes, body trembled and he pushed himself in and left it there stroking my back and gripping my hair. I moved to pull away and turn over to wrap my arms around his waist and as he stopped me I felt the burn.
"No no" he said holding me in place again stroking my lower back, "Let me do it, if you pull away wrong you will hurt yer self" I knew in just the millimeters I had moved he was right. When I tried to pull away and turn I felt like a hot poker was threatening my ass. His Dick was just that wonderfully sized! And did I mention some of the biggest balls I have seen? *grins*
"Shh shh," he said rubbing my lower back, "Gently," He pulled out and I swear if he had penetrated again I would have cum. I flopped onto my side and rolled over a lil cuddle nothing big. Less than I wanted or needed in that moment. But then, that's not what my ItallianStallion is for is he? Ironically I think he gets that too. He wants to take me to a swingers club. I am stoked. Would love to see it. Hes a "Share and share alike" Kinda guy. But like he said "That ass belongs to him"
Yes it does.
He asked me a difficult question, I think I half expected it.
"Are you in love with him?" My ToyBoy he meant. I had chosen that particular ringtone because its how i felt about him.
"You better wake up, cuz I need a man, and my heart is set on you"
It was, but not firmly, I love who he is what he is and who we are my ToyBoy and I. I said no not in love, but I do love him. Half truth, I had fallen in love with him. That however has changed and morphed as I said in my last letter.
"I love him, he is a great friend and companion, the gentile warm home point in my world" I laughed and looked out the window a little uncomfy. He Reiterated,
"That ass is mine tho"
Again. Yes, yes it is Daddy.
We got stuck in traffic on the way back to my place in Wilton Manors. More chatting, more understanding. My ToyBoy had wanted to hang stop by and relax with me a bit after his major release with his divorce. Everything, for the most part. had been settled. He now has his baby (the Shaguar) permanently. And she has her big orange truck. She named it "Honeybadger". I really like her more and more. The more I hear about his soon to be Ex wife. The more I think I would like her. *lol* She seems a pretty cool chick. Tho it figures. I might possible meet a chick i think is ace and she is sick. I feel for both of them. For her and her own struggles in cancer. And him and his loosing her in levels. No matter what she or he says. He does love her, care a great deal. His words on her are always drenched in remorse over her illness and wishing he had the ability to give her all she wants and needs.
Finally got home, he gave me a flash light to see my way to my door since the light is out on the porch. When I went to get out of the truck he looked at me and smacked him lips twice indicating he wanted a kiss. I kissed him goodnight and went inside. No real pain other than the usual muscles worked in ways that they are normally not. Went inside and opened Skype.
Me: Here
no i didnt pass out.
O.o
Just got stuck in traffic
Accident
Him: Not yours I hope?
ME: No no
Him: Good good.
Me:
So too late for a visit hey?
Him:
mmmm... maybe be able to twist my arm, yah really really wan one?
Me:
I always like to hang with you if it hurts too much don't come always tomorrow. Not like ya dun have yer car hey?
Him:
I've just finished my cup of tea after all so..
I could have yah rub mi' bits maybe! sore bits that is!
Me:
Well ya know yer welcome
Sounds wonderful
I'm gonna get a bit changed. woo
least take off these boots
Him:
ok then lill' rascal ill leave in a few and be there in a bit
Me:
Ok babe see ya soon
What is the reason to share this interaction? It's who we are. Simple, unfiltered, understanding.
He and I really are a lot a like. He keeps referring me to as an "American version of him" I can see it..
Now this is where I will be judged by people on a regular basis. Why? Those god damn rules they like to put on love. Something that should be free, not weighed down and an expression that flows how and when it wants like water in a stream thru a Forrest. Like Saturday when I was dropped off by Jonny. A Pleasant and fun date. Relaxing and safe. Feeling however a lil flat, why? I needed excitement. The Dates and dinners and the whole "game" of it is fun. But I also needed the naughty and the closeness. So I went off with my ItalianStallion after I was dropped off. Again my ToyBoy's Voice in my ears.
"Rascals"
Ok, Maybe, but I do not think that applies if ya are honest. As honest as I am with the others I am with my ToyBoy. I got my excitement that night. My Toss ya about and fuck ya. But like I said something was missing. What? The cuddles talk and intellectual exchange. Intellectual Intercourse. He needed his "sore bits rubbed" meaning his back which he had wrenched this week. And I needed my ToyBoy to cuddle and chat with. When you get past the anger some of you are feeling right now. That "CHEATER" mentality. You will see the beauty in the situation. I am not Cheating. Everyone of them know about each other and the level of interaction I have with each. They know their place in my world as I do theirs. So really if we are not being hurt by it. Then you should just enjoy the story.. Make sense?
He comes and we disappear to my very messed up room. I dunno about other girls, but when I get ready for a date I blow up. Clothes everywhere drawers wide open with socks and shirts hanging out. Quite a mess. We moved the pile out of the way and he laid out on his belly. Talked about the day. Rubbed his back. Poor thing. He really did a number on himself. He told me of his day and how the car situation is now worked out. How he had talked to his wife about me. Now this was like. HUH? Cool ok. She told him she thinks he is lieing to himself as well as others with this mentality he and I have. About not wanting a Boyfriend or Girlfriend type relationship. About exploring love and sexuality with a open mind and heart. In perfect Honesty. No, again, just because a truth is not pleasant to your ears. Or something you do not aggree with. Does not make it any less truth.
At first he gave me some sad news on his side. His muse dumped him. Meh, it happens. Anything too beautiful tends to 9 times out of 10 be a fickle or quick to change in experience and Intencity. She was by his description beautiful. His words. "Out of my league" Eh whatever. Its reaching and striving for those things we see as out of our reach that puts them in our grasp eventually.
I felt for him. I know she inspired him to be better, do better. but lately I have been laying out to him a lil truth. Wanting to and being better. The motivation does not come from anywhere but within or it will fail. I am hoping he is getting this. I think he is.
We laid about snuggling and rubbing comfy and nice for a hour or 2. Talking about our day among other things. When he left I felt perfectly satisfied on all levels. I had rubbed him and made his back a bit better. He had held me and shared as I shared with him our day. The good and bad of it. It was perfect.
///I am glad you came last night, put a cherry on the evening like a big ice cream Sunday! I dunno why I am so comfy with ya on this level. Where we are. But I like it. Always welcome my ToyBoy. Always a great time.///
The adventure continues :))
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