Letter 13 - Nature sets a good example.

  I have to turn to nature for the answer to my questions as of late.  As well as to give some people the understanding they need if they wish to be with me.   When I am asked what I wan't or where I am going as far as relationships are concerned.   I have been saying "I dunno,  I am looking, sampling,  and seeing who stands out"  Makes a lot of sense when it comes to natures way of pairing "couples".   After all as my ToyBoy likes to remind me we are,  us humans,  simply slightly more intelligent animals.    We all have our chemistry our general make up is the same.  We vary only by the experiences life feeds us to make react or not react to the world around us, people and their actions.   So as far as the dating world,  ahh fuck it lets just call it what it is.  "The Mating World"  as far as humans are concerned its the same kinda thing.   Initially its the primal,  the sensory input that makes us turn a ear or eye toward someone.  For me it is more the nose and ears.

   If a guy smells good, and his voice picks at my primal strings.   If they are intelligent and can communicate well,  and love to, that's what makes me take notice.   There are different kinds,  those strings.   Heart strings,  those get plucked and strummed much later in the "Mating Ritual".  Primal Strings,  They get plucked immediately.   Some women they are initially drawn to the size,  Symmetry, and how Stable  (The three S's) a man appears.  The car he drives his clothes the way he speaks..    Because women,  most at least,  are need that  stable, strong,  and safe mate. (lots of S's) That is the general rule,  tho there are exceptions,  varying degrees,  and certain environmental reasons for the varied standards.    How they grew up, for instance.   If they saw their mother happy with a man who provided for the family,  and was the typical ingrained idea of the perfect Head of house.  Then they will tend to search for that and any other quality will be a secondary bonus.  Closeness, warmth,  and intimacy tends to be some of those "other qualities"  they search for as secondary.  Where as if they saw there mother and their family with a hard working husband who didn't make quite as much but was there for his family,    Then they tend to gravitate toward that.

  Then there is girls like me,   the ones who are trying to find the balance.   Mr Right?  Nah,  Mr. Parity.   Someone  I will be with is to compliment what I bring as I will him.   I also will not chase,  for long at least.  You shake yer tail feathers at me and I will let you know I am interested and shake mine back.   But I will not shake em forever.    I spent so long not expecting what most of the other girls do.   I didn't think I was enough to BE enough for anyone.   Yeah I am,  and I won't settle for anything less.   I won't settle for being a back burner girl,  or something that is an option.  So when I find the guy that puts  me in his world,  I will be in his world.  THEN all others will fall off my Radar.   In the mean time,  I am seated atop the mountain a crappy marriage and shitty Divorce sat me.  I am Worth the effort.  I am worth the time.  (Affirmations YAY!)

  So generally,  Loyalty comes when the heart strings are plucked,  and to pluck the heartstrings you need to dig deeper,  and put out more than just Physical,  or just mental,  or just emotional.  You gotta put out some of all three.   I am not OK in a relationship where it is all Physical and material,  I am not happy in a relationship where it is all intellectual or mental, need I say if yer all emotional I will run away?  I will give my heart soul and mind to someone,  if they do the same.   There is a saying,  "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"  It can also make the heart grow forgetful.    Presence is a big deal to me.  So there we have the penguins.  Mate for life.  Puffins too I believe.  Be a fixture in my world, not a anomaly.   I do not weigh worth on money or material worth.  It's a bonus but I am happy with MY basic necessities,  Food Clothing shelter and CONTACT.  If ya don't want to be with me,  don't be.  If ya do,  do it.  If you are in my world i will make it clear you are always welcome.  My ToyBoy has learned that.   My Door is open guys,  ya just gotta walk through.  I know that in the end i want that partner,  I need to just find out who and what that is.  The more balanced the better is all i can say.

  Now what brought this on?  I had a question asked of me in jest by my ItallionStallion.  "Are you looking for a boyfriend on the site"  I knew it was a ribbing he was playing with me.  Love that about him.  But it made my head twist on itself.   I thought and thought about it.  I came to one simple answer.

I AM LOOKING FOR THE ONE THAT STANDS OUT.