Letter 22 - Epiphany

 

    Many of these little things in the past few weeks.  epiphanies!   Good and bad, but all useful in finding myself,  knowing myself and loving myself.   Beginning to realize the less I let people's opinions effect my actions,  the better i present myself to others.   It's not my hang up,  its theirs. The worst thing you can do for yourself in life is let another person's hangups become yours.  I have spent some time going over some things I have done via YouTube and realized exactly how much my ex husband,  his overly conservative family and their way of looking at the world had stifled my voice.  More correctly,  how I let them stifle it.

  I had,  before becoming a part of my Ex husbands family, spoken out about religion,  injustice not just in the cult I was brought up in,  but also in all of them.  (yes I see all organized religion as a Cult)   I made cooking video's "Cooking on a Dime"  which I really want to restart.  I was and am still able to show people how to feed themselves and even a large dinner party for very little.  Under 20 Dollars for large dinner parties.  10-15 people.  5 Dollars or so for 2-4 people.   How to do it now,  that is gonna be the question.  I let the fire in me be doused and the hatred of myself grow.    I also have been reminded by watching these videos how since I have been free of the marriage,  become more happy,  and more healthy.

  Cooking on a Dime

Is Doctrine Important.

(An answer to a asshole)

  I have lost so much of myself in the years I was married.   I am slowly getting it back. (well not the weight lets hope.)   The confidence to do these things again and express myself.   I think this is why I sometimes go quiet when talking with HisRoyalRascalness about religion.  I spent so much time,  focused thru YouTube,  Facebook,  and many other XJW sites, that now I am just not sure what else I have to say about it.    But I am sure,  it will return.   When it does i plan on strapping on a megaphone and letting it be heard.

For more videos of both kinds and some oddly different kinds visit:  http://www.youtube.com/user/akashafuhr

Weight loss yes!:

                                                                   

 I have also realized as of late that I am confused.   What I know I want and what my emotions tell me are so in conflict.    So,  I am not going after,  or seeking anything,  unless it is to better my future.  Those things that will make my future brighter,  more stable,  and less stressful are all I will actively seek.   Anything else will be a bonus.    Keeping it simple,  keeping it real.


 Relationships,  well,  I am good with the ones I have.  I feel no obligation to be or do anything I wouldn't.  I feel support and love from all of the people in my circle.   I feel no need for anything more than what I have.  I have what I "Need".   Anything more would add complications I just cannot deal with right now.  I will not wake every morning right now and my thoughts have to be adjusted to another persons life or path as well.

Ain't no one got time for that.

 I am in a tough spot.  Not the toughest I have ever been in,  but it rates up there.   Focusing on De-Rutting  myself.  Then I will see what I run into when at full speed again.

 I am very glad you got some comfort from last night babe.  I did too,  tho wasnt in need of much comforting myself last night,  or even now as it seems.  Come to an odd appreciation of the good and bad in the past,  present and Future.   Mmmh  How does one hold on to contentment?

Stop trying to hold on so tight.

Light and Love.
Blessed Be!