When I was a child I was the kind of kid who brought home the baby birds who fell from the nest, pried scared, bloody, but still breathing animals from our cat's mouth and tried to nurse them back to health. It Didn't always work.
When I was a preteen I found my cat, Duke, with a rabbit. Just a baby and he had simply torn off a piece of the poor little things fur on its leg. I took it inside cleaned the wound put on some Neosporin and held it as it slowly calmed and stopped shaking. I didn't hold it too tight. I let it know I was OK if it wanted to hop off and move about the little room I had shut us in so the cat couldn't try to harm it again. It would do just that, move around limping only a little at first then not much at all. Coming back to me when I waved a veggie piece I had brought in to feed it. Later the same day I walked it out to the back yard, making sure Duke wasn't about and let it go into the woods. It felt good to do that, help that little creature have a shot at continuing its life even tho it seemed to have been chosen by Mother Nature to play its role in the food chain.
I had, at one point, decided I wanted a Cockateil. But when I went to pick one out I fell for a week baby who had been attacked by his mother, as nature does sometimes with a baby that has something wrong with it. She had bit off one of its toes. This was the bird I took home with me. In time he perched just fine and became very attached to me. Even waking in the night to find the little dear perched on my pillow nuzzling up to me and my warmth. I loved that little bird, "Ricki" I named em.
I have always had a soft spot for the things that are broken, cracked, or struggling. I want to and like to help. I don't like to see anything or one in pain when I have the ability to maybe help it along. This is true also of humans as well as animals.
All through my life there have been people I "took under my wing" in one way or another. Rarely able to help them in anyway but advice, a shoulder, and any aid I could give to help them think, feel, and see things better in the world.
A 16 year old gay boy who's father had beaten him to a pulp. He lived with me, shared, learned, and grew some. A older man who found himself with 2 beautiful daughters and no real direction on how to care for them or his home after a divorce left him shattered. I love them all still. I had to walk away, tho it was sad it came to that. A 18 year old submissive man who's Mistress had left him with a unneeded case of Extreme blue balls. Have any of you ever heard of a male being so backed up with sexual energy he needed his balls "scraped" or cleaned in order to keep from being damaged permanently? Unfortunately with the humans I have met and been able to help its always another human(s) who have done the damage. Not mother nature and her cycles.
I recently watched a documentary that I loved that touched on this difference with humans as opposed to animals. More specifically, the difference between us and our closest relative, genetically speaking, the chimps and apes creationists are appalled to hear called such, "Our Relatives".
An experiment they did where they attached a rope to a block with a "reward" on it. The rope strung through this contraption and out 2 holes and handed to these chimps. The trick was, for the chimps to get the "reward" they had to pull the string together, which pulled the rewards closer to them. If one of the chimps failed to do his job but somehow the other chimp got his reward close enough to grab. The chimp would eat it and forget to "help" the other complete the task so he could eat as well.
The difference between the chimps and humans was simple. Chimps help and aid for their own benefit alone. If they get what they need they will walk away and not help the other. Humans are not INNATELY that way. We are born collaborators, it's in our DNA! We are moved by instinct to aid the sick, injured, or unwell. The reason there are those who act like chimps in this world, is not because humans are just selfish. It is again an example of how our basic makeup is generally the same but out life experience is what shapes us, and in some case, changes our nature.
When I see someone actually struggle to stifle that nature, or not seem to be able to accept someone is displaying this giving, helpful, and unconditional kind of love. It breaks my heart. When someone cannot seem to fathom or understand why someone would put themselves out there as this kind of aid to them, it really does make me sad. Especially because I have the same issues. I hate to ask for help, and when someone does offer, it almost feels bad to accept. Sometimes, however, it is needed. Humans do need other humans. It's nothing to be ashamed of, even tho we are.
I am sure you are wondering what the moral of this story is?
In the end, the ones I was there for for the most part, left. They regained their strength and moved on into their lives with sincere thank you's and a occasional (Even to this day) update on where they are, how they are, and a repeated thank you, for the role I played. The Rabbit, yes even him. Standing in my back yard one afternoon. A large rabbit hoped out from the cover of the woods behind our house. It approached me and I was amazed at how close it got. It looked at me, its little nose twitching as its eyes moved from me to the world around it keeping a eye out for danger. Danger that I was not identified as. When it turned to go back to the cover of the woods I saw a small patch on its hind leg where fur had not grown back. He survived, learned, grew, and continued to live with a wiser mind, lessons learned.
The moral- I do not feel I deserve more than what someone can or even wants to give, I do not "Expect" recompense. I let go if needed. I have learned in my life it comes back. All the good and positive you put out. It will come back somehow. I continue to love, broadly, without expectations. Well at least without real expectations. Respect, that is all I require in my world. I will let go completely if necessary, and I will not force someone/thing to stay if it is not willing to. My door, my arms, my aid (what i can give) is always open, and free to utilize. I will never be the kind who can turn away someone who needs something I can give. As long as it does not negatively effect me and my world. At least too deeply. Always positive and negative in life. Need to accept both to live healthy or even be remotely happy.
I am not here to clip your wings, tie you down, or cut you from the tree. A flower begins to die when you pick it. A bird is meant to fly, and a monkey is meant to climb and swing. (cheeky monkey)
I do however know, we aid each other in many ways. It is our past we need to leave behind, and the preconceptions it left us with. I will say it again, and more than likely many times in the future. I am not like the other girls you seem to measure my words and actions by. I mean what I say. I mull it about carefully before I exclaim my feelings.
A time for everything.
A place for everything.
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