There is one of those ya know, a reset button. We all have em, like yer computer or the console you play yer games on. Like those devices, its not a good thing to do it very often, it does damage. Sometimes though, it fixes problems.
I tend to do this quickly, and each time pieces of me are damaged, others are strengthened. When I do this I do not always start from the last saved game. Sometimes I dig deeper. Or I simply start over. New Character, race, class, starting city. In a manner of speaking I just let it all go and focus on whats to come. I do this on a less grandiose level every day when I wake up. "Today is a new day, fresh, with no mistakes in it." ~ Pollyanna. (not even sure I spelled that right)
Perceptions of me were, well, relayed to me this last week by more than one person. Some of them jiving with each other, others not at all. Where on one hand I was told I didn't accept or ask for help enough, on the other I was also told I was too needy.
Yeah, I have been in need recently.
Skull or Rock?
What do you perceive
My perceptions of others have changed as well. Not just what I see but the way I go about taking in the information, or if I even will. I think my personal bubble has shrunk a bit. That area you are aware of when you go about your daily life. Now I don't mean I will bump into shit and fall off curbs. (Tho people who know me will say I will anyway, I'm a clumsy girl.) I mean as far as what I will process and swallow. What I will take in, and what I will not. When there are certain things discussed even now I shut off, my ears, my mind. I start to clean, go to my room, and I just ignore it. If I cannot do anything about it, I just shut it out. Especially if it is raising my anxiety.
I simply won't stress what I cannot control.
I will admit, I have been rather needy lately. Surgery, lost a part of myself, painful memories and emotions attached and detached with it. Along with some bitter sweet reminders of failures and success that is now lost therefore negating it as a win altogether. My Ex Husband really was the one wish I made in my life that came true. Makes that stupid saying even more fuckimg annoying.
Be careful what you wish for.
Haven't been able to get my feet under me since the Divorce. Well I have but again, they have been kicked off from under me a couple times too, I think I am doing a damn good job of getting back up and swinging regardless. Now I am finding it hard to gauge the proper balance. So I am finding myself retreating. Working on what I need to and letting everything else kind of work on itself. *shrugs* I think the first thing I have taken away from all this is, I cannot judge anyone else on what I would do for, about, or to aid a friend or even a person for that matter.
Ahh while I am thinking about that. I want to ask that TearyEyes contacts me. I am worried about him. A guy I met on another site. I left Tagged and joined a new "Dating" site. New pool of people. This guy wanted to meet me said he needed just to talk to a human. I was in the Hospital, hadn't talked to anyone but a nurse really in a couple days. He seemed nice enough. (Morphine prolly helped) I invited him in Public, safe, why not? He ended up head on my chest tears over his father. Then left. That's it, some banter, Jokes about dirty pillows, from my lips to make him smile, cut the ice. Candy crush for a bit. (like playing stupid games with someone) But please, you put this blog on yer phone. Just let me know yer OK hey? Tried all other avenues.....
So check! Do not be hurt if others do not do unto me as I would do unto them! I knew it already. Just can't get it thru my thick skull. So where is the balance. Finding that in time on all levels in my life again right now. We all are it seems. *Deep Breath*
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